3 am anxiety attack

https://youtu.be/k_HDyrnEfl4

This song can describe some of my recent anxiety about possibly staring some medication. Today was the first day I heard it and tomorrow is supposed to be my appointment. All though Songs that come on at the exact right moment creep me out a little, I also love them because they explain things that I don’t know how to put into words. Music has always been a great escape for me, I don’t know if it’s that whoever wrote that song is feeling exactly what I’m feeling and can relate or stumbling randomly on a song like this is like someone’s trying to get me to pay attention to something. I am really nervous to start medication for a few reasons. Part of me knows that I really need it because one I’m up at 3 am with anxiety and two other things aren’t working. The other part of me doesn’t want to because I don’t want to rely on pills to get me through my day or lose myself in the process. I feel like relying on medication to help me get through my day makes me just as bad as my family. I hated that they had to rely on a drug or alcohol to make them happy to be able to get through their day so how does that make me any different. I don’t like to rely on things and medication would be something i have to rely on every day and that terrifies me. What if i rely on it and it works and then I’m stuck with relying on a pill every day, what if it works for a little bit then stops am i going to back to how I’m feeling now or what if it doesn’t work at all. Im afraid it will change me, I’m afraid it will work and I have to rely on it and I’m afraid it won’t work at all and if not even medication can help am I stuck like this forever? I’m confused and anxious about it and like the song says is this the way to fix this or is this a quick fix can you medicate it away.

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