Sometimes it sucks

Somedays depression and anxiety are just going to take over and there is not always something you can do.. and some days it flat out sucks. It’s the depression that makes your body ache, where you feel mentally and physically exhausted. It’s where you sit their for hours not moving not because you don’t want to but because you physically can’t make yourself. The depression where you stop feeling everything because you can’t handle feeling anymore. The anxiety that makes you want to hide and shut down from the world and not tell anyone anything. The anxiety that makes you over think everything you said that day, wondering if every person you talked to is mad at you or talking bad about you.It’s draining, exhausting, and agonizing. How do you deal with days like that? This week in particular has been a lot for me to handle. I have had a lot come up and forced me into thinking about things I wasn’t ready to really deal with yet.  I’ve been feeling everything and nothing and sometimes at the same time and its been draining. Sometimes it feels like its one thing after another and I can’t come up for air. It feels like my head is going to explode and that I have a huge weight sitting on my chest and I can’t do it anymore. Some days I have confidence that the skills I am learning are working and helping and other days I feel that nothing is helping, the people I would reach out to are going to think I am annoying, a burden and that I failed. When I am in that bad mood where no distraction, coping skill or friend is going to help me I get scared. I get scared that I am just going to give up or that I am going to revert back to how I used to handle things. I have to do my best to hang on and focus on the good things I have going even if its the smallest thing like getting out of bed. My bad days can get dark sometimes and I have to accept that, its not always going to be good days no one in the world has just good days.  All the distractions and advice on these days aren’t going to help and sometimes the only thing you can do is just let yourself have the bad day. Sometimes it takes more energy to try those techniques and have them not work than it does to let yourself just be in the that mood. I guarantee the only person judging you for being in that mood is yourself. Sometimes you just have to let the bad days be bad and the good days be good  you can’t always control it.

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