30 songs that got me through

These are some of my favorite songs that got me through a hard time, some of them relate to how or what I was feeling, some make me think of a happy time or place and some help sum up what I want to say but don’t know how. Music is a powerful thing it can instantly change our mood, make us think of someone or something or let us escape for a few minutes. These songs helped me I  hope they can do the same for you.




































Sometimes it sucks

Somedays depression and anxiety are just going to take over and there is not always something you can do.. and some days it flat out sucks. It’s the depression that makes your body ache, where you feel mentally and physically exhausted. It’s where you sit their for hours not moving not because you don’t want to but because you physically can’t make yourself. The depression where you stop feeling everything because you can’t handle feeling anymore. The anxiety that makes you want to hide and shut down from the world and not tell anyone anything. The anxiety that makes you over think everything you said that day, wondering if every person you talked to is mad at you or talking bad about you.It’s draining, exhausting, and agonizing. How do you deal with days like that? This week in particular has been a lot for me to handle. I have had a lot come up and forced me into thinking about things I wasn’t ready to really deal with yet.  I’ve been feeling everything and nothing and sometimes at the same time and its been draining. Sometimes it feels like its one thing after another and I can’t come up for air. It feels like my head is going to explode and that I have a huge weight sitting on my chest and I can’t do it anymore. Some days I have confidence that the skills I am learning are working and helping and other days I feel that nothing is helping, the people I would reach out to are going to think I am annoying, a burden and that I failed. When I am in that bad mood where no distraction, coping skill or friend is going to help me I get scared. I get scared that I am just going to give up or that I am going to revert back to how I used to handle things. I have to do my best to hang on and focus on the good things I have going even if its the smallest thing like getting out of bed. My bad days can get dark sometimes and I have to accept that, its not always going to be good days no one in the world has just good days.  All the distractions and advice on these days aren’t going to help and sometimes the only thing you can do is just let yourself have the bad day. Sometimes it takes more energy to try those techniques and have them not work than it does to let yourself just be in the that mood. I guarantee the only person judging you for being in that mood is yourself. Sometimes you just have to let the bad days be bad and the good days be good  you can’t always control it.

The Stigma

There are two types of stigmas surrounding mental health today, the first one is how the public views people with mental health issues and the second one is how people with these issues feel about themselves. Mental health discussions tend to take over social media and the news when a) a celebrity commits suicide or b) when a shooting happens. In my opinion that shouldn’t be the only time it is focused on, it is getting better but still has a long way to go. People who don’t understand what it is like themselves tend to think that having these issues are just an excuse for not wanting to go to something, or not being able to do something. They don’t understand that people who have these issues desperately want to go out or do whatever it is they need to, but they aren’t able to because anxiety or depression takes over. It’s like having this shadow who follows you around, its always there and some days its brighter and not as noticeable and other days it shows up at the worst or most unexpected times. That feeling or ache that shows up can make someone feel at their lowest and it’s not something they can make go away or disappear. Theirs not always something you can do about it no matter how hard you try. A lot of people tend not to talk about what’s going on with them because they feel ashamed for not being able to handle their issues, or don’t want people thinking that their weak or can’t handle things. If you do open about it the responses are usually “its all in your head your fine” “that’s not an excuse I had x y and z happen to me and I’m fine” or “just let it go”. The thing is people who have these issues can’t just let it go or shrug it off. It would be so much easier if they could. If someone is opening to you about what’s going on with them and you compare it to how you’ve handled your issues isn’t going to accomplish anything, all that’s going to do is make them feel small and weak for not being able to handle theirs. They are trusting you with this information and everyone handles things differently. You also never know what someone else is going though. People might say “wow I wish I had their life it seems perfect, key word being seems. You don’t know what it took for them to show up, be present or what’s going through their head. Everyone is fighting their own battles to show up every day. “Were all in the same game, just different levels. Dealing with the same hell, just different devils” Rhiannon Redemption Everyone has their own issues and it doesn’t matter how big or small they are everyone handles them differently. To make people feel weak, lazy, or weird for having these issues is an issue and the stigma needs to change because chances are people who suffer from it would love to change and are trying to change but need support which includes how society looks at it. People shouldn’t have to fight this battle in silence.

The Aftermath

Our brain can be our best friend and our worst enemy at the same time. It can protect us when something scary, traumatic or stressful happens, but it can also keep us up at night reliving those experiences, over thinking situations or causing us to doubt ourselves. How do we train it to be our friend and not our enemy in those times of stress or doubt? I am still learning that myself but one thing I have learned is that we can’t always control it. I hate that I have all these issues and thoughts in my head all of the time,  however i am learning the more accept it the more I can learn from it. The way I look at is if I didn’t go through certain experiences I wouldn’t be the same person. Growing up we’re supposed to learn whats safe vs what’s dangerous. That becomes harder when the people that are supposed to teach us that are the ones hurting us and causing the danger. It makes it harder for our brain to distinguish safety and good vs danger and bad. If the danger is all our brain knows then we tend to push away or feel uncomfortable when the safety or stability does happen. We have to push through that uncomfortably and one day it won’t be uncomfortable it will be normal. It will be normal to feel happy and not sad, energized and not burnt out, positive and not negative. One of my all time favorite songs is called rescue by ash gale and part of the lyrics go “Cos I’ve been here for days I’m wasting away I don’t know which way is up Now it seems I’m outta luck”. Sometimes Getting out of that depression or anxiety cycle is a pain, and it can last for days at a time. People who don’t have it don’t get it, and they say just move on or your fine it’s all in your head. However when it’s happening the littlest things like taking a shower turn into an all day event. Getting through that is hard and it usually doesn’t start until we’re in a stable place to begin sorting through and figuring out where to go. The Aftermath of trauma is messy and complicated but once you get through that it becomes easier.